Every retail magician, past or present, has likely experienced the harrowing challenges of working at BCC. Retail is no cake walk — you spend too much of your paycheck, you can never find a parking spot during Christmas and you’re expected to maintain composure in even the most ridiculous of situations. Here’s a few struggles all retail workers have to go through on the regular.
1. You have to work when everyone else is off
Say goodbye to guaranteed time off on holidays, you work at the mall now. At least you can look forward to the extra time-and-a-half pay.
2. You spend your entire break in a line just to get food
You should probably bring a lunch during the holiday season but you don’t, which usually results in you spending your full 30 minute break in line at Thai Express or Extreme Pita, le sigh.
3. You have to be nice to the worst customers because you’re worried about being mystery shopped
“Lord give me strength to not karate chop anyone in the throat.”
4. You see everyone you’ve ever known while you’re at your worst
When you’re running late, didn’t wear makeup, you’re frazzled and ready to sass the next unreasonable customer who comes your way — chances are this is when you’ll see your ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend or that person from high school who never liked you.
5. You have to park in no man’s land during Christmas
Trying to find a parking spot when you have a late shift is much impossible. Even though you showed up early, you’re still going to be late for work and probably have to park in the sketchy ass faraway parking lot anyway.
6. People assume you have answers to their 50 questions about EVERY OTHER STORE in the mall
No I don’t know where the best orthopedics are sold or where you can buy a Snuggie, thank you very much.
7. You’re expected to maintain composure and not murder anyone after having 10 rude customers in a row
Deep breaths, deep breaths. You wouldn’t make it in jail, even if OTNB makes it seem kind of fun.
8. You have to deal with this
Life. ruined. on. sight.
9. When customers walk in one minute until close, and they have a return, WITH NO RECEIPT
Not cool. Really not cool.
10. Being forced to watch people destroy the table of clothing you JUST folded
All of your hard work ruined in a matter of seconds.
11. Checking the schedule and seeing you’re closing on BLACK FRIDAY
The only thing worse is closing on Christmas Eve, which you might end up having to do too!
12. Your paycheck lasts for about two minutes
It’s inevitable. You get the first look at anything new, stylish, cool or awesome and it’s all up in your grill tempting you to spend your hard-earned money. Dolla dolla bills y’all.
13. You can never shop at the mall in peace
You literally can’t go to the mall without being recognized by co-workers, people from other stores and even customers who are regulars. Like, can’t a person just shop for underwear and junk food without prying eyes?
14. You’re forced to listen to people’s life stories
People either avoid you like the plague because they think you’re trying to up-sell them or they want you to be their therapist as you cash them out. For the record, you deserve a raise for being so good at not reacting poorly when people over share.
15. You have to be a stealth ninja if you want to get on break without being noticed by customers
You’ll wear a baggy hoodie, sunglasses, a trench coat — whatever it takes to get out of your store without incessant questions from customers to preserve your already short break. It’s too bad the mall sells everything BUT invisibility cloaks.
16. Having to patiently wait out the minutes until you can do this
Shift over, bye Felicias.