Since city councillors seem to have a penchant for the ridiculous and refuse to approve the most sensible LRT route for Brampton — the one that had full funding and was most direct — maybe they’d consider adding a few outlandish ideas. They’ve already tasked city staff with studying three routes with terrible ridership, longer travel and longer travel times, so why not add a few more to the list?
Here are a few LRT alternatives that would not only save the city money, but would be way more practical than some of the other routes council has recently tasked staff with studying, despite the futile nature of the investigation, as there’s no money for them anyway.
1. A giant slip and slide
Main Street going North has a big enough slope to really get a good speed going. Bring your own floaties though.
2. Human Catapult
Have you ever dreamed of flying? Well here’s your chance! Just don’t forget to tuck and roll upon landing. You want to keep all of your limbs don’t you?
3. Horse and buggy
Not the fastest way to get around, but there are merits to this option. It certainly fits in with the old-timey charm of downtown Brampton. Even Brampton’s heritage focused organizations would like this one! You know, at the expense of $400 million LRTs.
4. Air Gondolas
Councillors don’t want a route that runs on the street, or one that runs underground, so take it to the sky. Enjoy a picturesque view of downtown Brampton as you make your way down the city’s most ostentatious corridor of million-dollar mansions and pretty taxpayer-funded lamp posts and flowers.
5. Roller coaster
Hop on the Main Street coaster. Destination? Nowhere. That’s how we like our transit here in Brampton.
6. A fleet of swan boats
Enjoy a leisurely float into downtown after a long day’s work. We don’t build transit in Brampton to get people places in a timely fashion anyway, so sit back and relax.